Ruby Irons

The wreath is on the front door, the scent of pine fills the air (from a lone candle), and my husband and I are changing things up a bit next year. We’re calling it “Christgiving” (or maybe “Thanksmas” – the jury’s still out), and it represents so much more than just a clever holiday mashup. It’s our inspired solution to one of midlife’s most beautiful challenges: keeping family connections strong as our nest empties and our family tree grows new branches.
 
The Heart Grows Bigger: Navigating Holiday Emotions
 
Remember when holiday planning meant deciding between turkey or ham, and making sure you had enough matching plates? Now it involves a complex dance of coordinating multiple households, respecting new family traditions our children have created with their partners, and finding ways to see our grandchildren without anyone needing a clone of themselves to be everywhere at once.
 
There’s a certain bitter-sweetness to this evolution. Gone are the Christmas mornings with little feet padding down the hallway at dawn (though sometimes I catch myself missing even those 5 AM wake-up calls), but in their place, we’ve gained something equally precious – the joy of watching our grown children create their own traditions while finding new ways to keep our family bonds strong. Even if some of those traditions make us raise an eyebrow. (No, sweetie, Elf on the Shelf doesn’t need his own Instagram account.)
 
Making Space for Everyone: The Art of Flexible Celebrations
 
Next year’s solution came to us while debating dates and times to have this set of kids over or that set of kids over (I’m positive this discussion included some red wine). What we will be doing, instead of fighting with “tradition”, is hosting a holiday-open-house type of gathering somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas. No rigid dinner time, no pressure to stay all day, and absolutely no need to rush between multiple celebrations while trying to maintain both your sanity and your stretchy pants!
 
The buffet will stay stocked (with turkey AND ham?), the coffee pot will keep brewing (because, duh!), and the door will stay open. Some might come early to help cook (looking at you, daughter-in-law with the amazing corn souffle), others might arrive just in time for dessert (you know who you are, and you’re still loved).
 
Creating New Traditions That Grow With Us
 
What I’m discovering is that traditions don’t have to be static to be meaningful. By adapting our celebrations, we’re not losing the old ways – we’re expanding our capacity for joy. Our “Christgiving” celebration will include:
– Traditional holiday dishes served alongside casual snacks (because teenagers and young adults…)
– A designated kids’ area where grandchildren can play and be as loud as they want!
– Photo opps for whoever happens to be here
– Special moments throughout the day as different family combinations create their own unique memories
– And games!
 
Finding Joy in the New Season
 
Perhaps the most beautiful revelation of this midlife holiday evolution is discovering that love truly does multiply rather than divide. Each new in-law, each new grandchild, each new tradition adds another layer of richness to our family tapestry. Yes, coordinating multiple households and schedules can be complex, but there’s profound joy in watching our adult children balance their commitments with grace.
 
This new chapter of holiday celebrations might look different from the pictures in our photo albums from decades past, but it’s no less magical. It’s simply magic of a different kind – the kind that comes with wisdom, flexibility, and the deep understanding that family love grows stronger when we make space for change.
 
As we prepare for our first “Christgiving,” I’m reminded that the best family traditions aren’t about rigid schedules or perfect execution – They’re about creating spaces where love can flourish, where memories can be made, and where every family member feels welcomed and valued – no matter what time they arrive.
 
Now, who’s ready for a cup of coffee (or red wine) and some holiday planning?